Saturday Porn Slot: A brief return

I've mostly given up on this feature going any further, but there are still a few men (and possibly women) worthy of my attention in the genre.

This week, it's a man I've been kidding myself about for a long time. I've always known he was hot, but for some reason have never admitted it to myself. Until this week, when I was checking Machine Head's marchives page...

Rob Flynn is super hot!

He might always wear the same t-shirt and maybe he does sometimes act like a bit of a douche. And perhaps his band do release some terrible, terrible music, but you know what? I can't think of anyone who has a more awesome voice than Rob Flynn. I fucking LOVE his voice. It's the voice of rage. He can't seem to sing and not sound pissed off or at least about to kill himself. Or possibly whinging about the parents. Whatever. It's AMAZING.

In fact, even when he was going through his I'm-going-to-dress-like-Tommy-Lee-when-he-was-dressing-like-a-wigger phase, he's still pretty cute ^______^ (In a I-really-wish-you-weren't-wearing-that-shiny-jacket sort of way)

And look:

Aww :) He was in a credible band at one time you know ;D

All that aside, I love Machine Head, I don't care what J or anyone else says. They're playing Brixton Academy next week and I am gonna be there singing VERY LOUDLY. And hopefully, quite drunk :D

A wild side project appears!

J: EXODUS Frontman's GENERATION KILL: Another Demo Track Posted Online - obvious signs that exodus ain't doing well... a wild side project appears!

M: and their frontman is currently the worst thing in exodus :/

J: gary holt is kinda fucking exodus up, and doesn't realise it :/

M: don't blame gary D:<

J: it's his band, just saying.... :/

M: D:<

J: they should have gotten zetro back. period!

M: but he's busy with dublin death patrol ;)

J: yeah, that fucking abortion!

M: but it has chuck billy and eddie billy in it :D

J: so, machine head has two ex members of vio-lence in it :P

M: that seems to give them more credence than they deserve

J: i'm not sure if it's good to say that their original guitarist (MH) left to start soulfly with max :/

No prayer for the dying

M: http://www.metalhammer.co.uk/news/machine-head-to-remix-rammstein/

J: " Will; 24/09/2009 4am; so sick of MH stop bitching about other bands and touring on a bad
record and remixing Rammstein and break up already"
:D

M: haha, was that secretly you? :)

J: no :P
i was in bed at 4am!

M: i dunno, it's just like you to be up late reading metal hammer ;D

J: I'd rather not, i was on /mu/ insulting people, dissing the new alice in chains, supporting No Prayer for the Dying, and laughing at slayer fans that like anything after HTC :D

M: keep haunting that chapel!
tbh no prayer for the dying did fairly well when it came out, it's no.1 in all the magazines i have at home from 91*

J: and bring your daughter went to no. 1, too, but that's my point about stuff; maiden had released 7th son prior to that, and people love that album, so they all went and bought NPFTD, but no one really likes it, apart from a few :/

M: booooooooooo its a great album! npftd has just as many good songs on it as 7th son, if not more! holy smoke, tailgunner, that nice slow one i like**, public enema no. 1 - that's my 2nd favourite iron maiden song!!

J: the whole album is good, it's possibly the only maiden studio album where i like every song

M: me too! i have no idea why people have issues with it

J: because there is a change in style as such

M: not that much, it still sounds iron maideny

J: they started singing more about social issues than icarus :)

M: yeah but "california dreaming as the world goes screaming"*** or whatever that line is is the best line ever!

J: you're a poser if you like anything after Killers ;)

*On looking it up, it turns out NPFTD was released in 1990, not 91.

**Ironically, the song is actually called "No Prayer for the Dying".

***It's "California dreaming as the Earth dies screaming". I was pretty much there.

Not a thrash band at all

J: MACHINE HEAD to tour Europe... -
> And ALL SHALL PERISH
:D :D :D
hopefully some kind of road accident will happen :)

M: :O

J: that'd be mega ;)

M: no, i want to go see machine head. again. depending on how much tickets are.
oh but i blatantly want to go anyways*

J: so is MH headlining?

M: yeah, the first time they'll be headlining a tour on their own in bear** time

J: since the 90's :D

M: LOL i don't think that far back but it's not far off

J: last time i saw them was about 98 headlining, or late 97... - i reckon they might have headlined when supercharger or some shit was out, but since a few years ago all they've done is tour with metallica and that sword band :D

M: yeah they've just been arsing around being second on the bill everywhere they go

J: you would hope rob does not wear that i love thrash tee shirt ;/



M: that t-shirt is really bad :( i hope testament don't endorse it, although i have a bad feeling they might

J: yeah, cos they're all in one happy league together :(

*yes, I bought tickets.

**for the record, I know it's spelt 'bare'. It's just funnier to write bear. Bear people, bear dollar, bear shit!

SERJ TANKIAN: 'Elect The Dead' Symphony Sample Clip Available

M: SERJ TANKIAN: 'Elect The Dead' Symphony Sample Clip Available - what's the betting that title has some kind of political message? D:

J: he should team up with ratm - they can all then wank each other off over pictures of che and karl marx

M: LOL :D don't push your political opinions on me, just sing about werewolves and satan like everyone else >:(

J: or indians and being caught in a mosh :P

M: :P

J: i'm sure scott'll claim soon that he and charlie invented indians :)

M: they did, did you not know? when iron maiden wrote run to the hills, they went forward in time, met up with scott and charlene and stole their idea! :D

J: nothing really surprises me with them clowns. i hate them almost onthe saME LEVEL AS I DO EMPEROR AND NAPALM DEATH ;(

ooops :) not shouting

M: haha i thought the hate was just getting too much halfway through that sentence, the rage rising.... :) oh i didn't know you felt that way about napalm death :O

J: i fucking hate that band - "oh, we're the first grindcore band, blahblah blah" - and then you get carcass come along with the same thing. i don't like either band, especially ND, who were a crusty punk band that came along too late but thought we'd get with the trend of metal and do that. :////

M: ohhh :/ don't really know anything about napalm death really, can't stand them, so have ignored everything since i first heard them D:

J: i saw them twice unfortunately (supporting machine head both times), maybe more, who knows. they just came along too late and realised that punk was on its way out, so since we're completely untalented we'll record one second songs. that aint grindcore, that's shit.
one of their first vocalists on album was lee dorian, who went on to be in that cathedral band. hes a loser :)

M: supporting machine head?! that seems kinda weird.

LOL, cathedral. HA :)

J: yeah, was in 97 or 98, MH did a two night slot at the astoria, the first night the power failed, and the second night they said the same shit in between songs as if they were on a script of sorts. the only thing that differed was the lack of a power cut and they played a different cover song instead of negative creep by nirvana the night before. this was pretty much when i started hating them since they were not natural in the respect that they had to repeat all the shit in between songs from the night. it wasn't natural. plus also their second album was bordering hip hop with only two decent songs on it

M: yeah, machine head always do exactly the same sets, i've seen them say the same stuff before too - when i saw them at download and then a bit later, he repeated himself too :(

J: but people still eat up what they do. machine head fans are blind to it all :)

M: metal is full of people like that. all the people that like hellyeah, for instance. OPEN YOUR EARS!!! THEY SUCK!!! just because you liked pantera and you can't get over the fact that dimebag is dead, doesn't mean you have to go support one of the worst bands in the world D: people just fucking carry on, without a mind of their own

J: you've just described nu metal there :)

M: true dat. you may as well listen to fucking chart music, for all the thought thats involved. well, chart music here. chart music in sweden rules!!

J: and maybe finland, if you like cob

M: oops, that's what i was thinking of actually :) but i bet sweden's isn't bad either* :D

J: dead was swedish :)

*On closer inspection, the Swedish charts are actually still probably a lot worse than they are here in the UK. I was living in a happy fantasy world when I first wrote the above...those dreams are now shattered.

Though it's been a while now, I can still feel so much pain

J: MACHINE HEAD Frontman Vows To 'Crush' LIMP BIZKIT At U.K.'s SONISPHERE Festival - LOL, BAAAAAAAW!!! fuck rob, and fuck his shitty band!

M: wow, i think he should have just shut up about it. they're kind different kinds of music now, he shouldn't have mentioned it at all and just got on with he, he's embarassing

J: Why were they added as special guests, to make them feel a bit more
important?

M: yeah i didn't get that either. was it so their actual name didn't have to appear under LB's? didn't make any sense to pull out and then actually decide to do it after all. what wankers

J: I think to make it look good and also not to have LB above them in
theory. I hate machine head, but i hate them more now

M: i didn't really hate them before, but this is embarassing. i don't want people to think i'm backing this wankery, in the words of william shatner: "i can't get behind that".

a short while later...

M: MACHINE HEAD Frontman Says LIMP BIZKIT's DJ LETHAL Is Acting Like 'An Internet Tough Guy - really, rob, shut up. seriously. this is like when brett michaels got hit by that scenery.

J: Ten years ago machine head sounded like LB, rob needs to fuck off as
this is really really annoying me! Quick talking shit about each other
and have a fight.

and later still....

M: LIMP BIZKIT's DJ LETHAL To MACHINE HEAD: 'The Only Thing Crushed Was Your Egos'

J: He's right :)

M: yeah he is a bit :) see, if rob flynn had just kept quiet, shit like this would never come back at them

M: This is gonna go on for some time, i reckon. At least brett michaels has shut up :) but seriously though, there's nothing to gain from this unless the fists do the talking, which could have happened saturday, but rob's the one acting like a tough guy here :/

M: its seriously, seriously shameful. you're right, if they just punched each other in the face for a bit, whoever walks away with the most teeth can declare themselves the most br000000tal but this pussying around chucking words at each other over the internet is fucking weak.

J: As i said before, ten years ago they could have been the same band.
Rob's in no position to comment about it

Join Metal Hammer At Sonisphere!

M: Join Metal Hammer At Sonisphere! - wanky wank wank

J: so is MH playing now? :/

M: i guess so, if mr demmel says he's okay, the others don't have a reason not to. its just the kind of gayfest they'll love anyways

J: but their reason was limp bizkit being above them :/

M: oh yeah! i forgot about that. i dunno then :s

J: everyone seems to love machine head nowadays

M: they're the new pantera, but shit

J: i was gonna say they're a scab band, but they have the original bassist, their drummer (who was in a band called Slayer that had to change their name to S.A. Slayer, gays, was in from the 2nd album) and phil demmell who was in vio-lence with rob, so they're not that scabby....

M: yeah i know about that sa slayer

yeah they're not really a scab band, but they are a bunch of wannabe wigger wankers that have only become metal again so they can be friends with metallica and ca$$$$$$h in

J: > yeah i know about that sa slayer

sorry :)

Machine Head just follow trends - I'm sure if nu metal was still big
they'd be rapping :)

M: agreed, they're a bandwagon band to the core. note how they were pantera-ish in the 90's hwne that was cool, then went nu metal, now they're back to being all metal again, they're completely transparent

J: it just annoys me that people actually still like them, even though they're effectively laughing at their fans :/

M: a) metal fans in general are pretty gullible b) they still release some good songs

J: > a) metal fans in general are pretty gullible

true

> b) they still release some 4 hour long songs

fixed ;)

M: halo is stupidly long. but i like it. but it doesn't have any awesome metal credibility, it's just an epic celine dion sort of warble, really.

J: what album is that on? i get confused with ashes and blackening :/

M: Halo is on the blackening, but could easily be on ashes, the sound is
the same

J: see now i thought halo was on Ashes.... though Ashes in my mind is only 4 songs long :)

M: me too, same with blackening :)) actually the copy of the blackening that i first had really did only have 6 songs on it, TM made me a shit copy :/

J: how does one make a shit copy.... on CD? that's impossible! ;D

M: haha, i dunno, basically after like the 5th or 6th song it just fucked up and wouldn't play :/ i think he did me a fear factory compilation too, but i confess, i did not listen to that :D

MACHINE HEAD's DEMMEL Doesn't Believe Latest Collapse Was Caused By His Medical Condition

M: MACHINE HEAD's DEMMEL Doesn't Believe Latest Collapse Was Caused By His Medical Condition - so now he's just collapsing randomly?!

J: he might have a bad back - you know how it is; these musicians and
back issues...... ;)

MACHINE HEAD Guitarist PHIL DEMMEL Collapses On Stage In Finland

M: MACHINE HEAD Guitarist PHIL DEMMEL Collapses On Stage In Finland - seems to be getting more regular :/

J: i think i'd do the same if i played in that band :)

M: LOL :D

J: must have been the smell of that tee shirt rob always wears :)

(it was a toss up between the skull heart and this one)